This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
