Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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