.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
