I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
