never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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