My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
