when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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