Don't you send me to vm
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
