FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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