if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
