So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh god it's open bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
