Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
