I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
