Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
