my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
