I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
