Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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