we made out on top of his cat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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