Got a toothbrush?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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