i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
