We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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