Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
