How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have aggressive nipples.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
