Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want a musical about memes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
