he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
