Apparently you make a good broom.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
