i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
