clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
