My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
