I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
