who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
