I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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