I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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