You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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