I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
