he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
