All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
