keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
