What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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