he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
