I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
