I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how drunk are you?
Several
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
