just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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