It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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