Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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