somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
