xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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