I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
