Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
