Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
