the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
