hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
