if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
